Monday, September 18, 2017

The Mummy

Rated PG-13
110 minutes
Starring: Tom Cruise


I’d say this one was just “alright.”  I like Tom Cruise, but anyone could have played the character he did and there wasn’t really anything special about him in this one.  He’s in the Egyptian desert looking for treasures when an ancient princess named Ahmanet is awakened from her crypt that she’d been trapped in for 5,000 years.  His character, Nick, spends the rest of the movie “channeling” her as she sucks the life out of others to gain strength and try to avenge losing her rightful place as heir to her father’s throne.  She lost that place when the king fathered a son and she felt completely betrayed.  I guess it’s all meant to be a battle of good vs. evil and the power that each can have over our lives.  I just didn’t buy it.  The characters could have had more depth, more actual story to them, better acting, and better writing.  This movie had it’s moments, but they were definitely few and far between!

The Mummy


I was really hoping for an action packed mummy film and it turned out to be a jumbled mess of “blech.”  The movie starts out very similar to the other mummy movies, which starred Brendan Fraser.  Tom Cruise plays Nick Morton who is a soldier of fortune who looks for rare artifacts to sell to the highest bidder.  They unearth “the undead mummy,” a creepy crawly corpse who needs to suck the life out of humans so she can regain her human form.  And what does she want? Power of course!!  It follows pretty much the same story line as the other ones except the ones with Brandon Fraiser had a storyline and better acting.  This one went way to the left and the storyline just fell flat and to pieces.  The more I type about how much I disliked this movie – the more I have problems trying to find the right words for it.  So I’ll just stop here and say it wasn’t a very good movie even with a star at the helm of it. 

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Baywatch

Rated R
121 minutes
Starring: Zac Efron and Dwayne Johnson


I was all ready to hack this movie apart saying it was the worst movie ever BUT I watched “Snatched” and it took top honors for that!  So with that being said – this movie was maybe just a grade above.  It started out with so much language and perverted gags I was ready to turn it off, but I was curious how it was going to compare to the original Baywatch.  The one thing I did like though, was the banter between Dwayne and Zac.  Those parts made me laugh a little, but aside from that, it was kind of lame.  Zac is the new guy that needs a spot on the lifeguard team. Dwayne is the “lieutenant” of the lifeguards and they’re having tryouts.  As they go through their training – Zac’s character thinks he’s all that because he was an Olympic swimmer, but with a past of being called, the “Vomit Comet” (yep, those type of jokes). He’s trying to overcome his sordid history and Dwayne’s character wants nothing to do with him.  Being a lifeguard is a serious job and he doesn’t have time for a “high school musical” dropout!  But then the story turns into an action film with Dwayne doing what he always does – kick butt.  Drugs are found on the beach and they find out who’s dealing them and then it’s a freefall of action, explosions, and a morgue scene that shows more than you wanted to see (gratuitous male anatomy full on display – you’ve been warned!)  The movie could have been better but give it a D.  That’s still a step up from “Snatched.

Baywatch

I wasn’t expecting to like this one very much.  It definitely wasn’t a “classic” by any means, but I found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.  I never watched the original TV series, so I have nothing to base this one on.  The lifeguards being “more than lifeguards” is pretty far-fetched, but I thought Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron played well off each other and some of their one-liners were actually pretty funny.  It was silly, but in a good, “making fun of itself” kind of way.  I could have definitely done without the multiple “anatomy” jokes and the things they thought they needed to show – over and over – for no reason at all.  Otherwise, it’s Baywatch – super hot lifeguards training new people, saving lives, and fighting crime all at the same time!  It’s like being a lifeguard is just a cover for keeping watch over everything happening on the beach that includes way more than just rescuing people from drowning.  Yes, it’s cheesy and campy, but if that’s all you’re looking for, I didn’t think it was “that” bad.  I’m more in the D+/C- range, I would say.

Snatched

Rated R
91 minutes 
Starring: Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn

Worst. Movie. Ever. Seriously.  I expected a lot from this movie with the great Goldie Hawn but . . . this was not a movie for a comeback!  Granted – I don’t like Amy Schumer.  I don’t think she’s funny or can act but I put a lot of hope in Goldie.  There was no chemistry between the leading ladies.  The storyline fell flat and I didn’t laugh out loud once!  I couldn’t stand the brother, he was just plain creepy, (like “I need to take a shower” creepy) and a lot of language! The jokes fell as flat as Goldie’s face lift (did I just say that?) and I wanted a better movie!!  I wanted to laugh but all I did was cringe at the acting and the jokes.  I feel like Joan Rivers when I say, “can we talk” about the tapeworm scene??  BLECH!  Premise of the movie is - daughter is a loser.  Mom stays at home and is afraid to do anything.  Daughter talks mom into going to Ecuador with her because her boyfriend dumped her and no one else wants to go with her.   The daughter hooks up with a hot guy – gets the mom to come along and BOOM – they get kidnapped.  The rest of the movie is about them trying to escape the “clutches” of the kidnappers.  Ho-hum.  Don’t believe the hype about this movie, “The Funniest Movie of the Year”. It’s fake news!!




Snatched

I had high hopes for this one – I shouldn’t have!  Everything said how funny it was – it wasn’t!  Maybe I was hoping Goldie Hawn was back and would make it a great movie – she didn’t!  Also, I have never really cared for Amy Schumer – and still don’t!  I’m starting to feel like movie writers don’t even know what “funny” really is anymore!!!  Or how to write comedy that is actually smart and entertaining without it being just a bunch of language and dirty references that get very old, very quick!  There wasn’t even much of a story – Schumer’s character gets fired and then dumped by her boyfriend before a vacation she had planned and talks her careful mother into letting loose and going on the vacation with her.  The vacation turns into a RIDICULOUS “adventure” that involves being captured, escapes, a bunch of killing, a tapeworm, and just a lot of stupid stunts that made me feel like watching this piece of garbage was a complete waste of time!!!  It wasn’t funny.  It was just sad…

Monday, June 19, 2017

Sully

I think almost everyone knows who you’re talking about when you say “Sully” these days – pilot Chesley 'Sully' Sullenberger.  He was the one who landed his plane on the Hudson River after a bird strike took out both of his engines.  Sully became a hero for saving everyone on the plane.  This movie follows the extreme scrutiny he faced from the Federal Aviation Administration trying to decide if he “had” to land on the Hudson or if he would have been able to make it back to LaGuardia Airport?  Tom Hanks, of course, does a great job as Sully.  I’ve seen some people from the FAA saying the movie got it wrong and that they were not as “mean” as they seemed nor did they grill Sullenberger like a criminal.  He was a hero to the people, but here, he was having to fight for his “innocence” in hearings that followed the landing.  I enjoyed this, even if it was made a little more dramatic than it might have been in real life.